I thought it best to start my first post by explaining how I named my blog.
I spent my life much like a mother bird staying at home feeding, nurturing the young ones, really never knowing my own personal place, always waiting on someone just never myself.
I knew I was creative just couldn't figure out why or exactly what I was suppose to do with all the talent. Heck, just being able to sleep was hard enough when your raising children and we had a house full.
I felt like no one really noticed what I did, everybody just had a routine, passed by one another and went on there way. Times I did manage to sneak in a moment to myself I really didn't know what to do it seemed so few and far in between and always so short. Life was passing me by and I don't remember then just being in the moment.
Years went by the kids got older and things got more caotic. Teens are not the easiest humans on the planet. It really does get harder as they get older until they leave one by one.
I only had one girl out of 5 children it was easy to let the boy's go, but her, wow I didn't see it coming. The empty nest everyone talks about. She was a strong personality ready to go, I was ready for her to leave. I just didn't think about the empty hours that no longer would be filled by waiting on someone. I took her to college along with her father ( divorced we were) we both took her to her room got her settled when out of no where she announced we could leave. Of course, being the strong personality it didn't surprise me at all.
Get away from the parent, well hey, I can remember those days long ago when I was young. Shut the front door I just typed in young Hallelujah! At least I can write it down.
So I drove back home listening to the radio no one fighting over the station thinking I'm free!! Free to do what I want, when I want, where I want, and how I want. Wait did I say divorced? Well at least I was free of waiting on someone. Now I had time for me!
Like the bird sitting on top the tree I could view everything, take in the air without hearing Mom. I could just be just sit like that bird and just be....I arrived home got myself ready for bed sat on the couch for a bit looking around and listening to the silence. When out of no where I hear a sound yup, it was me crying my eyes out. What had happened! She was ready I was ready what had happened. It hit me without any warning, she was gone. The last little bird to leave the nest was gone. There I was thinking I couldn't wait to give her a push as I wiped my tears away. I sobbed and sobbed I even went in to her room laid on her bed and said out loud, she's gone. She's really gone!
Well, needless to say I spent two weeks in my bedroom laying on the bed getting up just to use the bathroom or grab a bit of comfy food. What had happened, I felt lost, depressed, alone, lonely, wondering what to do with myself. There was no one to wait on except me and that by far was something I was not use to, I had no idea where to begin. I had spent nearly 3 decades waiting on children and now it was simply me. It was the worst feeling in the world. I kept telling my friends I couldn't believe it would have happened to me. After 5 children who couldn't wait to be alone!
As you probably guessed I recovered and life goes on....time still passing just as quickly as when the kids where home. When you get older one becomes more aware of there surrounds thus noticing the clock more and just how fast time is truly going. I spent the new me time really getting to know exactly who I am, looking at myself in ways I didn't before, heck, ways I never thought about. I was becoming completely comfortable in my own skin, knowing my strengths and weakness focusing on how to maintain the weakness and build on my strengths.
One night while lying on the hood of my truck 4 years ago listening to Kenny Loggins song this is it and watching the stars I felt a complete calmness. When all was over I sat up legs hanging over the window closed my eyes and just felt the breeze, listening to the sounds of silence. Amazing how every creature at night sounds if you really listen. Not one out of tune. I opened my eyes and began looking around me realizing I was really seeing the world for the first time. Every tree, piece of grass, the sky, the stars, the ground, everything. I was totally calm at peace with myself and knew exactly what I wanted to do.
Since that day I have traveled through nature, worked the land by planting an organic garden, and creating everyday. Loving every single moment of every day. I will be showing you pictures and video's of my travels through nature, places I go, things that happen quite unexpectedly. All so breathtaking and oh I am completely in every moment soaking it all in right down to the crazy, bizarre, things that happen in my life.
I did find a new love just look below....
Yup that's her...had all of her brothers and her since they were 2 days old. She captured my heart and there is a reason she did...someday I may tell you, all I know is miracles do exist.
and she's living proof!
Now just a little over a year old. Not to worry all her siblings have great homes!
As far as being an empty nester, well, I really am loving it! Like the bird on the tree, I too, am looking around me all the time, taking in every moment. In myself, I discovered I love words, there meaning when combined, I love life, my miracle cat, love organic gardening, adore creating, love my travels in nature, and I love birds... I am like a bird in flight... free to soar like an eagle making new discoveries... learning all I can, each and everyday!
Until next time, blessings to all, Daniella
No comments:
Post a Comment